Waking to tears; skiing in memoriam

I woke up yesterday morning with tears on my pillow. I had been dreaming that I was back in Buck and Judy Wilson's house on Musk Ox Trail, but Buck had passed away. I was mourning his loss.

When I woke up, I remembered that I had, indeed, received an email from Judy yesterday, telling me that Buck had died at the end of October. That makes three of my role models from that neighborhood who have died this fall. When I read the email, I was in the middle of one of those long workdays in which I was just trying to keep my head above water, and I simply did not allow myself to process the news in the email message. Instead, I did that in my dreams, crying then.

Buck was a special person to me. I believe I have written about how my dad died of cancer when he was only 42 (I was 19). Well, Buck was a kind of father figure to me. Like my dad, he was someone who liked to cross-country ski and hike, and I have good memories of doing those things together. We went on mountain biking trips to Denali Park and Wrangell St Elias Park with our friend Jose. We hiked around his cabin at Michael Creek. Buck was also into the arts and yoga, and his enthusiasm for life and community and family was just wonderful. Buck was a physicist who specialized in studying the waves made by the aurora borealis in the upper atmosphere. He worked at the University of Alaska geophysical institute on the west ridge of campus, conveniently located next to the cross-country ski trails, and I saw him out on those trails many times when he was taking a break from work. After he retired, he had more time for skiing and maintaining the cabins he had built and traveling, but he was soon drawn back into work as listening stations were set up around the globe to capture the waves in the atmosphere. The signature of the waves for nuclear tests was similar to that of the aurora, so Buck's skills were needed as a consultant on this project. Buck was always curious about the world and active in enjoying it.

When Enrico and I returned to Alaska after getting married, we lived in Buck and Judy's cabin. It was a great community to be a part of. Our son, Alessandro, was conceived and born while we lived on Musk Ox Trail. We then moved into our own home out in Goldstream Valley, but we missed our wonderful neighbors from Musk Ox Trail. Now we live even further away.

This morning's ski was in their honor. I thought over my dream and my memories while gliding over the snow and looking at the beautiful colors in the sky. Life is beautiful and too short.